Taming Your Inner Critic: A Practical Guide to Getting Out of Your Own Way
Taming Your Inner Critic: A Practical Guide to Getting Out of Your Own Way
Part 1: Your Inner Critic Isn’t Your Enemy (It’s Just Really Bad at Helping)
You know that voice in your head—the one constantly nitpicking, second-guessing, and subtly (or not-so-subtly) undermining your confidence? Yeah, that voice. It can feel like a relentless critic, always ready to point out your flaws and hold you back. But here’s the thing: it’s actually trying to help. It’s just really, really bad at it.
Why Your Inner Critic Means Well (Sort Of)
Your inner critic’s main job—believe it or not—is protection. Its entire mission is to shield you from getting hurt, feeling embarrassed, or falling flat on your face. So when it says stuff like, “You’re not ready,” it’s really saying, “I don't want you to get hurt or feel stupid.” And when it whispers, “No one’s going to care about what you have to say,” it’s trying (in a clumsy, misguided way) to save you from rejection or disappointment.
But just because it means well doesn't make it right.
Changing How You Listen
Instead of immediately shutting down that critical voice or letting it take control, what if you listened differently? Imagine it as a well-intentioned but overly cautious friend who exaggerates every danger. You wouldn’t let that friend run your life—but you might still listen to their concerns gently.
Take Anna. Anna wanted to launch her consulting business, but every time she tried, her critic would pipe up, “You don’t have enough experience.” Initially, Anna took that message at face value, and it froze her in place. But when she paused to really listen, she realized her critic was just scared she'd fail spectacularly. Once she understood this, she could talk back—kindly but firmly. She acknowledged the fear, planned smaller steps to build confidence, and got moving anyway.
Your First Small Shift
Here’s something you can do right now:
Grab a piece of paper (or open a notes app—no judgment).
Write down one thing your critic loves to repeat.
Ask yourself, “What’s the fear hiding behind this thought?”
Respond to it directly. For example, “I get it—you’re worried I'll embarrass myself. But here’s how I’m going to handle it…”
When you start talking to your inner critic this way, you’re no longer fighting. You’re teaching it a better way to help you out.
Want to stop getting stuck in your head? I’ve built a simple tool to help you break out of negative thought loops. It’s called Reset the Spiral. It’s quick, practical, and—most importantly—it actually works. Give it a shot if you’re tired of your inner critic holding you back. After all, your mindset shouldn’t be your biggest obstacle.